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The Bean Counter

Abacus dorkus

This pencil-necked geek talks softly but carries a big spreadsheet. Unlike his co-workers, he loves bureaucracy -- the more signatures the better. In fact, Bean Counter doubles as the office supply police. Although he “accidentally” inflated profits by $4 billion to shore up your sagging stock, you’d better be prepared to justify your monthly expense report to the penny, because he’d rather slash your budget than cut you some slack.